OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
