so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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