i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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