Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize