Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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