those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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