There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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