I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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