the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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