someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
