Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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