Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
