This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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