You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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