yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
