playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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