i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
People in love make me want to vomit
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
