it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i think i have two assholes
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
