They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
