he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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