a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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