she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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