Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dignity is for republicans.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
