you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Found the puke drawer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
