god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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