I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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