I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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