Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
