But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
