Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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