This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
