I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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