brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
