we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Found the puke drawer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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