After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
