I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
