My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
