I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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