I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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