I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have demons in me.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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