We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
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I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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