And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
