i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
