when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
