I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
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I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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