thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
