i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
