Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
