Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Pooping to opera.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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