i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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