she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
