my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
