We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
