I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
