WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
