dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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