Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
