that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need to sanitize my soul.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
