I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
