btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
