I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
