People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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