Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
