The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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