i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
