I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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