I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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