so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
