I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
