A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
