drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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