And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
