I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
