i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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