you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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