When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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