i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
