you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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