You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I need to calm my uterus...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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